When people talk about "spam," I think they need to be more specific. During my first few years of Internet use, I managed to stay below the collective radar screen of the people who promised to show me adult pics FOR FREE!!!, help me meet the (insert city here) single of my dreams, and add inches to my cock GUARANTEEED!!!. Then, for some reason I can't begin to fathom, I started getting unsolicited porn. Not much, never more than 6-12 a day, but enought to annoy me. And now, after a year's worth of tinkering with my filters, I am just finally able to go a week without getting any solicitations for "Tight Young Vagina" in my Inbox.
Now, the spam I receive has taken on an ominous new tone. All of a sudden, the email marketers want to get me out of debt. And there are lots of 'em. Fat ones, skinny ones, ones who climb on rocks. And they're all concerned about my financial future.
Whoo-hah.
Wednesday, July 24, 2002
_ I originally intended this Blog to be something I would update every day. Instead, it's been almost a week since I was here. *sigh* even online I am a lazy, uninspired wastrel.
_ My ex-roommate is getting married, and I am to be his best man. There is all sorts of pressure associated with that hyperbolic title, not the least of which is planning a bachelor party. My options are severely limited in this endeavor.
A) The groom's brother will be attending. Since he's not of legal age, going to a bar is right out.
B) The groom is whipped like a recalcitrant galley oarsman. Thus, any form of risque entertainment... okay, a stripper, is also verboten. Personally, I'm sort of thankful for that one. Some bleach-blonde skank spastically twitching her implants around my living room is not my idea of a final send-off.
C) I've never even attended, let alone planned, one of these things. The closest thing I've ever been to was a bridal/baby shower for an old friend who got the "getting married and starting a family" thing all backwards. I did see a stripper once, at a birthday party for a fellow attendant at the gas station where I used to work. The dancer was pretty good, but he really didn't quite fit into that little thong very well. Not that Theresa, my co-worker, minded very much.
_ So far, all I've come up with is sitting around, drinking, and telling embarrasing stories about Otter. (Yes, his nickname is Otter.) While there is certainly an abundance of such tales, I can't help but wonder if I'm somehow short-changing both the groom and the guests. I've always had an abundance of female aquaintances, and the stories they tell about bridal showers are terribly intimidating. From what I can gather, they are elaborately choreographed affairs, with coordinated themes, decorations, and surprises that will both delight and amuse the bride-to-be. Otter's party won't be a surprise in any sense, since he helped me fill out the guest list. The theme consists of "drinking a lot," and the only decoration will be the life sized cardboard picture of Ian McKellan as Gandalf that I got from the bookstore where I work.
_ I'm sure that Otter will enjoy his party, as will the guests. Until they've drunk themselves into a blind stupor, they'll no doubt appreciate the chance to rip on each other in a sanctioned, encouraging atmosphere. In the end, I suppose that's really all that matters. Yet, I still can't shake the feeling that there was more I could have done to make the experience more unique. More planning, more decorating, more thematic consideration. Hopefully, everyone will get drunk too quickly to notice.
_ My ex-roommate is getting married, and I am to be his best man. There is all sorts of pressure associated with that hyperbolic title, not the least of which is planning a bachelor party. My options are severely limited in this endeavor.
A) The groom's brother will be attending. Since he's not of legal age, going to a bar is right out.
B) The groom is whipped like a recalcitrant galley oarsman. Thus, any form of risque entertainment... okay, a stripper, is also verboten. Personally, I'm sort of thankful for that one. Some bleach-blonde skank spastically twitching her implants around my living room is not my idea of a final send-off.
C) I've never even attended, let alone planned, one of these things. The closest thing I've ever been to was a bridal/baby shower for an old friend who got the "getting married and starting a family" thing all backwards. I did see a stripper once, at a birthday party for a fellow attendant at the gas station where I used to work. The dancer was pretty good, but he really didn't quite fit into that little thong very well. Not that Theresa, my co-worker, minded very much.
_ So far, all I've come up with is sitting around, drinking, and telling embarrasing stories about Otter. (Yes, his nickname is Otter.) While there is certainly an abundance of such tales, I can't help but wonder if I'm somehow short-changing both the groom and the guests. I've always had an abundance of female aquaintances, and the stories they tell about bridal showers are terribly intimidating. From what I can gather, they are elaborately choreographed affairs, with coordinated themes, decorations, and surprises that will both delight and amuse the bride-to-be. Otter's party won't be a surprise in any sense, since he helped me fill out the guest list. The theme consists of "drinking a lot," and the only decoration will be the life sized cardboard picture of Ian McKellan as Gandalf that I got from the bookstore where I work.
_ I'm sure that Otter will enjoy his party, as will the guests. Until they've drunk themselves into a blind stupor, they'll no doubt appreciate the chance to rip on each other in a sanctioned, encouraging atmosphere. In the end, I suppose that's really all that matters. Yet, I still can't shake the feeling that there was more I could have done to make the experience more unique. More planning, more decorating, more thematic consideration. Hopefully, everyone will get drunk too quickly to notice.
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